cantseemee

Pat, it turns out, was not the pain in my ass yesterday. THAT honor goes to myself. I worked out in the AM, and I seriously busted my ass doing a workout that I'm still feeling 18 hours later. OW. Thrusters (Squat with the bar, then pushing the bar overhead when you stand up) with 35 lbs for 50 reps and then 55 lbs for 40 reps. I'm amazed I can walk at all.

Went with Pat to the LA Fair yesterday. It was actually a good time, and I know I shouldnt' be surprised by that, but I was. Pat's actually not bad company when he doesn't have an audience and isn't being a jerk.

It was nice to wander the fair, although everything hurt.

Had a meeting yesterday with the woman who turned down my interest in being the Service Unit Manager for Arcadia Girl Scouts yesterday. The reason they turned me down was two things. First off, when Allison the liar freaked out and had all of her drama with scouts, I defended her. Now.... council's stance is "you should trust us" and my stance is "council totally screwed me over for no reason so why should I trust you". And the manager gets that. The second thing was at the Volunteer conference I went to in August, I introduced myself to the volunteer manager (who took over for the evil Sheila) as a "troublemaker". Because anyone who knows me knows that I'll say that, but it's not true. Well, this woman doesn't know that, and doesn't know me. So those were my first two introductions to the now Senior VP of Volunteer Development. Add into that the fact that I still have a bad rep with the Training Manager because she followed the VP heart and mind into the abyss. (so poetic) I told the local manager that if she didn't want me to manage the SU, that was fine, but that I seriously doubt that she'd get good people to volunteer. The whole area is a bunch of Asian women who will help if they're told to, but won't step up on their own.

She told me she'd have that conversation and get back to me. I can't bring myself to care all that much. If I take the position, more power to me, if I don't I get more free time. Win win.

And now, the guys at work introduced me to a time-suck video game, so I'm going to go play that until it's time to go home in half an hour.

I'm only posting cause Joel told me I had to.

Just, you know, cause he told me to.

:)

I'll update on my real life soon

Do not put me up on a pedestal, because I will fall. I will become lower in your thoughts not because of where I am, but because I was never so high as to deserve the pedestal in the first place. Do not think of me as anything more than anyone else. My flaws are just like yours although I might hide them in different ways. When those flaws come to light it makes me less than I might have been if they had just shone through in the first place.

The person you see when you look at me is not necessarily the person that I am. I'm human, with all the misgivings, errors, problems, and complications that everyone else has. I am impatient and unkind. I am selfish and shallow and unforgiving. And when you look at me the way you want to see me, I understand that I cannot live up to your expectations. Many times, I can't even live up to my own.

I am what I am, and I make no excuses for myself. I have to live with me everyday, and I am happy with who I am. The longer I live, the longer I realize that our perceptions of the world have too much to do with how we want things to be, and less to do with how the world really is. Hope is eternal in human life. Hope for beauty and wonderment and amazing revelations of what we want. Sometimes, life turns out that way. And that's all anyone can ever hope for. Happiness, Love of Life. The world as you perceive it.

Do not be disappointed with me when I do not turn out the way you expect. Do not be unhappy with me when I show myself to be less than what you perceive. And I will do the same for you. I will do my best to see you how you are. I will talk to you when I do not understand, or when you do something that is beyond my limited perception of who you are. I will try to take changes with a bit of grace and understanding, because I realize that who you are to me, what you are in my mind, is not everything that you are. Accept me when I cannot immediately file away a difference in who I think you are, and who you are to others.

I will not put you on a pedestal, if you promise to do the same for me.